week one?! week one?! is it already week one?! yes it is and you know what that means. it means the day we have been desperately waiting for all year since the 2014 schedule came out. hell, we’ve been waiting for this day since september 24th, 2012. no pat, i’m not talking about the labor day white sale at jc penny’s. i’m talking about redemption. i’m talking about salvation. i’m talking about setting precedence. i’m talking about the rise of osiris. i’m talking about odysseus’ return to ithica. i’m talking alexanders’ conquering of asia and africa. i’m taking about the kid from chico returning to “d-link” field. i’m talking about week one, 2014. the time is…now.
i think we all know the recent history of these two teams. i remember the look of shock when that fatefull pass, the fail mary, was ruled a catch. one ref signaled no catch. the other, lance “the 13th man” easley, signaled touchdown. i remember the push off. i remember jennings hands on the ball. i remember the cheating pete carroll smacking his gum, congratulating his team, and saying it was a solid play. i remember golden tate and his fucking smug smile knowing he cheated and saying the refs made a great call. i remember all the seapidgeons fans going out of their way to justify the play. i remember how they defended the call and sacrificed their integrity just so they could claim a win against one of the greatest teams in football. the one good thing that came out of it was the NFL settling the lockout with the refs. that’s how bad it was. still, a very bad taste is left.
well now it’s 2014. the seapidgeons have their first lombardi trophy and are suddenly the team to beat. although, if you ask a seapidgeon fan (most likely one with a brand new nfl shirt and hat still warm from the press and the tags still on it.) they have been the greatest team for years. at least that’s what they act like. yet they can’t name the past two head coaches or past three running backs that were on the team. they just stare at you and mumble “beast mode” with a mouth full of skittles. well seapidgeons, it’s time to knock you off that pedestal. you knew this day would come. a day of reckoning. a day of monomyth. a great return of a great hero coming to take back his kingdom. this is packers country. welcome to the terror dome!
the bet: here is the deal. after long, late night drunken discussions with the head seapidgeon down at the backstage bar, cedric and i have agreed on a bet for the game. the loser of thursdays game will toast the other team at their halftime the following week and record it to be posted on facebook. so this is what it looks like. halftime week 2: cedric holds up a beautiful green shot along with the rest of his group and gives the 1-2-3 “GO PACK GO!!!” all the while it is being recorded and it goes on our website for all the world to, ehem, “sea”. it’s going to be a beautiful thing. obviously, if by a slight fail mary chance the seapidgeons pull out a last second win on a miracle/cheating play then we will have to toast them. but seriously, i’m not worried about that at all. i’m looking forward to a seapidgeons’ video.
my prediction: packers D shows up big time. Packers 24 – seachickens 17
weather: 67 degrees and sunny. is this seattle or socal?
vegas: spread: packers +5.5 under-over: 45.5 I took packers and the under.
history: the packers have a solid lead on the all time matchup with a 10-6 record including two post season games. (we won both of those as well.) in the past 4 games the packers have outscored the pidgeons 129 – 61 and the packers have taken the last 3 of 4 including the loss in the fail mary game. so technically we won the last 4 of 4.
keys to the game: 1. the best qb in the league has to play like the best qb in the league. this is a good secondary and it’s going to be thread the needle time. 2. run the ball down their throats. this is the first time i have seen our packers with 3, yes 3, premeire running backs. this is going to help tire out the seapidgeons D with the fast paced O and 3 pairs of fresh legs on the field. then when the chickens crowd the box to stop the run, we unleash hell with the deep ball. 3. defense. i don’t really need to say more but i’ve never been a man of few words. this “new” defense needs to step it up. coming off a bad past few seasons hopefully the new additions will be able to contain russell and force some turnovers. hello, mr wilson? meet julius and clay. from here on forth known as “salt and pepper.” why? because they are a perfect compliment to any dead meat. time for some well done poultry.
injury report: stay tuned! i will update the list as soon as it’s out.
qow: ok, first week of the season. for those of you newbies, this is where you can win a free drink from yours truly. answer my question in the comments and be the closest and you get yourself a beer, cocktail, or body shot of your choice. body shots for the ladies only. sorry pete. this week’s question: how many yards will eddie lacy rush for agianst the seapidgeons D?
fun facts: back in 1889 there was a fire in seattle that burned down most of the town. upon rebuilding they raised the street level and built on top of the old town. why? because the sewer system was flooded daily with the tides and the streets were covered in feces and the toilets would back up. and that, my friends, is the story of how pete carroll was born. FACT!
ok, to recap: first game. big day. redemption. cheers bet. pete carroll sucks. seapidgeons. take the points. it’s going to be a busy night so try to get there early and grab a seat. me personally? i’m taking the day off work. momma didn’t raise no fool. well, she didn’t really raise me at all but that….is another story. see you at the game!!!!
GO PACK GO!!!
the big cheese